Loneliness calls

Loneliness has a funny way of finding us in the moments when we should feel surrounded by love. I have a family that loves me more than anything in the world, a boyfriend who would lasso the moon and give it to me if he could, and friends who would do whatever it takes to be there for me. Yet right now sitting in my room I feel the loneliness call. It’s louder than the music I play; it’s louder than all the Netflix I watch. It’s almost deafening as it screams out—they’re not what you need. When loneliness calls I’ve learned it’s not calling me to go make a new friend or ask my boyfriend to come hang out, it’s calling me to call on Jesus. My heart is lonely because it hasn’t been fed. No matter how many friends I have or how many distractions I can find the loneliness will always creep in when I don’t spend time talking to the One who has my heart. I get so caught up in life sometimes that I forget to rest and spend time getting to know who Jesus has called me to be and what I truly need. I need to work so I can pay rent, I need to sleep so I don’t pass our from sheer exhaustion, I need to spend time with friends so that they don’t think I’ve become a hermit. But through the work and the sleep I still find my heart hurting. It aches from a loneliness that is brought on by my lack of desire to listen. God calls to me in the moments of loneliness. Draw near, daughter. Allow me to heal your lonely heart. Yet it’s always hard for me to listen. I’m a big time over committer. I always have a million and three things planned, so it makes it easy for me to ignore when God is trying to speak to my heart. I can turn up all my so called obligations and turn down the voice of Love, but praise the Lord His love is always fighting for me and His love fights through the noise I create. It calls me straight into the loneliness and asks me why my heart could be so lonely when surrounded with such love. Every time the answer I return with is that I haven’t been filling my heart with the one love that sustains. I’ve been filling my heart with busy schedules and earthly loves that can never compare to Christ’s love. So when loneliness calls now, I try my best to answer and draw near.